Top Ten Things That Will Happen to You When You Work for Shatter Buggy
-The Greatest iPad and iPhone Repair Company in the World.
1. You’ll walk into a home and disappoint a room full of young children who think you are the pizza guy -only to have them be overjoyed again when they realize you can get them back to playing Minecraft on the iPad before the Backyardigans are over.
2. You’ll set a world record for fastest Hail Mary prayer, white-knuckled on the Interstate on-ramp, as you “accelerate” your Smart Car into a fleet of semi trucks.
3. You’ll kindly accept increasingly complex and contradictory directions from an elderly customer even though you’ll have mentioned several times that you already have it pulled up on Google Maps. -No disrespect towards our more senior customers; we love you!
4. You’ll use fun words like bezel, spudger, and pentalobe freely in conversation before realizing the other person has no idea what you are talking about.
5. You’ll drive an extra mile around the back of a neighborhood to avoid an as-yet-unplowed block with 1/4 inch of snow, lest you have to show off your impressive tiny car pushing strength.
6. You’ll be met at the door by a kindly, if slightly disheveled, woman holding a plastic baggies full of screws who sighs and begins, “So last night, my husband tried to…”
7. You’ll be given odd but fantastic tips in the form of things like pizza coupons, exoticJapanese candies, and homemade jam. Mmmm, homemade jam. A special thanks to the guy who tipped me with a remote control car for my son! A note to our friends at the IRS: jam and remote control cars are euphemisms for firm handshakes.
8. You’ll find yourself fixing phones at all kinds of weird places, like on your lap at an outdoor concert, in horse stables, the sample table at Costco, and at your own Thanksgiving table for your Uncle Joe (the cranberry smell by the speaker is a free upgrade).
9. You’ll zone out as you try to contemplate just how grape juice stains, Goldfish cracker crumbs, and Cheeto dust get inside a child’s sealed iPad.
10.You’ll get caught doing a strut down down the sidewalk by the mailman after you walk out of a difficult repair that you just nailed, knowing you are one badass, screwdriver spinning, Shatter Buggying mofo!
All in all, with meeting new and wildly different people, having the cityscape as your office, and genuinely making people’s day -not to mention all the groupies- being a Shatter Buggy technician is a pretty righteous gig. Plus, when your iPhone breaks -and just like everyone else, it will- you’ll know a guy.